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About Amelia

I am a 22-year-old who has hopes, dreams, aspirations, and love for the people in my life. I went with undiagnosed OCD for my entire life, until I was 20. With each therapeutic evaluation I had, I was asked a variety of questions, but as soon as I answered “No” to “Do you wash your hands over and over again?” and “Do you do things in multiples of three, or another number?” nobody thought to look into OCD. Who knew that there was a whole other class of OCD, that nobody knew about? So I was given different diagnoses–anxiety, depression, an eating disorder. All of these were very real and certainly problematic in my life, but nothing ever got better. It was supposed to get better once I managed my anxiety. It was supposed to get better once I broke away from my eating disorder. But though those things happened,  that feeling of dread was still over me. It never went away until it felt absolutely hopeless, and I never spoke a word of it. And then, miraculously, came the OCD diagnosis. It has been not quite a year since that diagnosis, and I already feel as though I’ve made more leaps and bounds than I have in years. It’s still something that gets to me, and I have to manage it often. But I now know how. It’s no longer a secret. I have OCD. That’s all. This diagnosis of OCD truly changed my life–saved my life. Writing about it retrospectively (as well as writing about day-to-day OCD experiences) is still therapeutic for me, and I hope it will be helpful for others to read as well.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. cherylquimba permalink
    May 7, 2010 5:54 pm

    Hey Amelia,

    It’s rare to find someone who’s OCD started so early on. My mom can trace my symptoms to when I was about 18 months. Despite having many “classic” symptoms, I was diagnosed with “attention-seeking due to parents’ divorce” & my OCD wasn’t caught until I saw a commercial for treatment when I was 11. I’m so sorry that your wait was longer. Be encouraged -identifying and understanding OCD COMPLETELY changed how I viewed & dealt with my symptoms. It doesn’t work out this way for everyone, but I can honestly say that my day-to-day is virtually symptom free. It’s been a 20-ish year process, but it’s WORTH IT, and each day along the way (apart from a few hard dips) was been better than the last.

    Hang in there. You’re worth the effort.

    • May 7, 2010 5:59 pm

      Thank you so much, Cheryl! I appreciate it. I don’t mean to be misleading–nobody saw my symptoms as a newborn, or infant, certainly! But, as early as my earliest memories, are memories of OCD. So I just assume it’s been around at least since I was a toddler and young child. I agree with everything you’ve said–knowing that I have OCD seems to have been half the battle. Knowing I’m not crazy, knowing there is a reason behind what goes through my brain–that’s what has made the difference, and because of that knowledge, I can manage the thoughts and the fears and the actions and everything. I am so glad that you have found relief and freedom!


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