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“Don’t be so hard on yourself”

November 10, 2010

Seriously, what does that mean? I can’t even count the number of times people have said that to me in my life–a few days ago being the most recent time. And I know people say it to be helpful, but it’s SO not helpful. Because all it does is make me more anxious, because it’s one more thing to add to the list of things I can’t perfectly do, or don’t know how to do, and lately I’m not doing so well to having things added to that list. Thanks for telling me what to do, but HOW am I supposed to do that? What does it entail? My entire life people have said this to me, and I still do not know how to go about it.

One Comment leave one →
  1. November 23, 2010 8:33 am

    This sounds so painful. I don’t know what it means, because I’ve been there too, with “trying to be perfect” as one more imperfect thing I’m doing–just add it to the list. I said those words to my ocd therapist a few years ago. One more thing that proves I am a fuck-up. One more thing that shows I am worthless. I never had a chance *not* to be hard on myself–part of it was my survival mechanism–if I can be perfect, then maybe I will be loved by my parents, maybe I have the right to exist. Therapy helped me learn to have compassion for myself. The nasty critical voice is still there–I can’t banish it–but I also see the girl I was, and how hard it was. I have to go now, but I am going to think about this some more and write about it.

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