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Haunting my dreams

January 15, 2010
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I had a dream last night that I was at my doctor’s office and they ran some blood work and it turned out I had some really awful, fatal disease. I don’t remember what it was, but I think something along the lines of cancer. I remember, in the dream, the doctor saying to me something along the lines of, “It’s strange that this wasn’t detected earlier–nearly everyone with this disease has some sort of symptoms that they would have noticed”. And to that, I burst into tears and told the doctor, “I HAVE had those symptoms! But I have OCD and everyone told me that nothing was wrong with me because I was just freaking out for no reason and making a headache, or chest pain, or a stomach ache, into something it’s not! I KNEW I shouldn’t have listened to them, I should’ve trusted my instincts!”

I was heartbroken and crushed and woke up hysterical. Of course, my first instinct was to call my doctor immediately and ask her to run a full bloodwork screen, and ask her about every single headache/pain/ache/etc. I have had recently. And I know, I know, this is just OCD, the same way it is when I’m awake, now it’s just getting to me in a more vulnerable spot–my dreams. But the fear it instilled in me wants me to go back to using the phrase “better safe than sorry” as a mantra.

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