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Weighed down.

January 12, 2010

It happened yesterday morning. I woke up and the moment I opened my eyes I felt it. Weighed down. I don’t know how to describe that feeling except to just say that’s exactly what it feels like. Like hundreds of pounds of weights are on my body and I have to breathe with them on me. It’s hard. It hurts. It’s painful and it’s exhausting. It happened again this morning. It’s so hard to work up the energy to get out of bed and face the day when I’m so weighed down. It’s funny (not funny ha-ha but funny irony-wise) because a few days ago I was thinking to myself how wonderful I have been feeling lately, how my anxiety/OCD/spinning/etc. hasn’t been bad at all, and it’s been fabulous. And of course, I worried I jinxed myself, and in a way, I guess I did. And the feeling didn’t lift yesterday morning, not even after a few hours, and it felt like I was getting crushed. So I gently forced myself to pull out my journal and write, about anything and everything that might be on my mind. And wow, did there turn out to be a lot! It made me really wonder; what does it say about me, good or bad, or just neither, that there’s so much going on in my brain and so many thoughts and behaviors and whatnot, and yet I’ve been feeling so good? Does it mean that I’m getting better at not letting things ruin my day or get in the way of my happiness? Or, does it just mean that I’m getting better at denial and avoidance?

Amelia

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One Comment leave one →
  1. theerivs permalink
    January 12, 2010 3:23 pm

    Denial isn’t just a River in Egypt. I have a question just out of curiousity, and problems with sleeping like sleep apnea or anything?

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