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How

January 1, 2010

How do I move towards the pain I feel inside?  How do I conquer the fear that it will conquer me?  My friend is dying.   My friend.  My mentor.  She’s dying.  How do I face the reality that we won’t have another moment to laugh together?  How do I wrap my head around that?  How do I face knowing that she will never lovingly tease me again?  How will I live a lifetime without her hugs and a gentle “I love you” in my ear?  How do I laugh alone at all of our shared memories?  No one else was there.  Who will laugh with me like she would?  No one.  They can’t.  Maybe that makes it better.  It was so special that no one else can share it.  But how do I hold it alone?   I always knew I loved her.  But that makes sense.  I look up to her so much.  It always left me a little surprised when she would take as much interest in me as I did in her.  So thoughtful, so generous.  So damn funny.   How am I going to do this?

Heartbroken,

Lilah

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. nurseconverse permalink
    January 4, 2010 11:06 am

    I’m so sorry.

    Thinking of you,

    TD xx

  2. theerivs permalink
    January 5, 2010 4:42 pm

    Death is a natural part of life. Our grief is from our selfishness. Listen to the statements in your post. It’s filled with “Me” ‘s and “I” ‘s. Help your friend/mentor face their death in love, and know that as long as you hold that person in your heart they are truly never far away.

  3. January 5, 2010 5:14 pm

    I agree that death is a natural part of life. And you’re right, my blog is full of me’s and I’s. Since when does my grief not deserve attention? I *think* you were trying to be helpful, but if you only knew the full story, you would have reconsidered your advice to me.

    • theerivs permalink
      January 12, 2010 3:19 pm

      Your right I don’t know your story. I apologize if I offended. I’ve been to alot of funerals as of late, and people weeping, and crying. That’s not how I want people to remember me. I want my death to be celebrated with drink, and song. Sort of like the Vikings of old.

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