What’s with the

pit in my stomach? 

 racing thoughts? 

overwhelming feeling of sadness at someone else’s pain, real or imagined?  

dread that life holds such misery and that at any moment my life could be in upheaval?   

 desire to crawl inward, retreat?  

I’ve been here before, many times.  It’s just been awhile.  I have felt it building, slowly.  Slowly.  It’s here.  Ugh. 

Instead of feeling whatever anger, fear, or sadness is fueling this, I feel shame.  I feel myself grasping at my core.   At times I feel like shaking her.  Shouting.  “Where the fuck are you.  Don’t be such a coward.”  I view myself through the imagined lense everyone else holds.  

But I KNOW.  I know.  I need to be compassionate.    I need to tune in.   I was feeling so in touch for awhile.  I’ll get back there.