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Say what you need to say.

November 19, 2009

Disclaimer: if you, the reader, have never had confrontational issues, or expressing emotion issues, this will not seem like a big deal to you. But it is to me! Just FYI.

Last night I went to do laundry, and I desperately needed to do it, but the washers were taken. I checked to see when it would be done and decided to come back down then. So I did…and waited…and waited. And after 15 minutes I got annoyed because I really had to do laundry, and it drives me nuts when people don’t take their laundry out. But I didn’t want to risk leaving and then having someone else put their laundry in. So I waited more…and more…and after 45 minutes I was livid. So I consulted my roommate and she said that I had every right to be annoyed, and that if it were her, she’d probably go knock on the door of the girl and ask her to take her laundry out.

Now, this is, like, the complete opposite of everything in my comfort zone. But if I do that, then that’s me being rude, and should I really be that annoyed? It’s just laundry, maybe I’m just being stupid, and selfish, and I don’t want to start trouble and I probably shouldn’t even be mad in the first place. But, I then reminded myself that um, actually, I have every right to be annoyed–because feelings aren’t bad or incorrect, they just ARE. And I could go with what my gut was telling me, and my roommate had validated my feelings for me.

So, I took a deep breath and walked upstairs and knocked on her door. “Hi, um, sorry to bother you but I was just hoping to put my laundry in and yours has been done for a while.” She replied with “Oh, sorry, I lost track of time, I’ll be right down”. That was that. Now, I did apologize (something I’m working on–I tend to apologize often when I don’t need to) but I’m not letting that hold me back from being proud of myself. And my roommate was proud as well–this is so not like me to stand up for myself, to validate my own feelings, to speak my mind to a complete stranger, to risk starting a disagreement, etc. So this was huge.

I know, I know, this probably sounds lame. But maybe someone can relate to those little things making a big difference. And, even if nobody can, I’m proud of myself, and I think that ultimately, that’s what matters.

xo
Amelia

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. November 23, 2009 1:54 pm

    That is a really huge step and congrats. I was at one point like you are- until everyone around me walked allover me for it. I had a heart to heart with myself and realized how bad my quality of life would be if I didn’t learn how to speak up for myself, ya know? Everyone else does it- and if I didn’t it would be like living in a shell…. I started forcing myself to do it. I’m like you, I hate confrontation more than anything. I hate being rude to people or coming off as bossy, etc. People took advantage of that in the past. Now, I am extremely blunt. I am not rude- never intentionally hurt someone’s feelings- but I stand up for myself. When someone tries to jump in front of me in line- I used to would have just stood there pissed off at the world and let it escalate to the point that it ruined my night. People only do things like that because they think you aren’t going to say anything, or in your case, it slipped their mind. Now, if someone were to try it, I would speak up and say I don’t think so. I can’t tell you how much my confidence has improved. It’s made me a much happier person. So congrats to you for taking a step in the right direction.

  2. November 23, 2009 6:38 pm

    Kristi, thanks so much for your comment! I really appreciate it. More often than not, now, I do stand up for myself–and even though it evokes a lot of anxiety within me, it’s so worth it in the end. Stuffing down my feelings and ignoring them was so detrimental to me in the past–it just ended up with me avoiding my true feelings and eventually I’d implode, so getting to this point is so much healthier for me!

  3. February 22, 2010 6:10 am

    Hi Amelia! Just reading through your’s & Lilah’s posts 🙂 This reminded me of an experience I had yesterday where I went to a coffee shop with a friend and ordered a small white hot chocolate. The girl pressed “regular” instead of small on the register and I was OK to get her to change it back to a small, but when it was made, it was just a regular hot chocolate, not a white hot chocolate. It took me 5 minutes talking it through with my friend before coming to the conclusion that it was OK to send it back because it wasn’t what I’d ordered – but in truth, what I would normally have done was just go and order and pay for another hot drink instead of telling them they made the wrong thing. ARGH!! I totally get the avoiding confrontation thing and feeling selfish and guilty for doing something that someone else wouldn’t even think twice about. Nova xx

    • February 22, 2010 11:28 pm

      Good for you!! And now you can know that you did it, and it was okay–the world didn’t end, nothing came striking down to crush you. You asked for what you needed, and that is one of the ultimate goals, you know? Taking care of yourself is NOT being selfish. It’s the best thing you can do.

      Be well-
      Amelia

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